Zdeno Chara Should Pay Phil Pritchard a Retainer Fee and Hire Him as His Attorney

 Zdeno Chara hoisted the Stanley Cup as captain of the Boston Bruins two weeks ago. Now the big defenceman will have something else on his hands: a meeting with Montreal cops Via TSN

And so the Boston Bruins’ postseason goes from the sublime to the ridiculous. Yes, the gendarmes actually want to see Chara about the hit he laid on Max Pacioretty OVER THREE MONTHS AGO. I can’t believe this actually is going to happen, and having listened to an interview with the man in charge of the investigation, I get the sense that we should cut the MPD itself some slack. This is coming from over their heads.

That said, is there more than one way to approach this little interview if you’re Chara?

I think not. Quite simply, you have to grab your good buddy Phil Pritchard, that big shiny cup he takes care of, and hop on a plane. Seriously, can the team please arrange for Chara to get an extra day with the cup? Namely the day of his meeting with the cops? I want nothing more than for him to stop at the nearest café before he walks into the station, get a heaping pile of poutine, put it in the cup, and insist on eating it while he discusses a mundane play in a 4-0 game in March with Montreal 5-0.

Then, maybe he could pop open a bottle of fine French wine, fill the basin with it (bits of gravy still stuck to the bowl) and proceed to sip it while he asks them if they saw any of the finals.

Of course, there is no case here, so no matter how mad they get, they’ll have to let him go. When they eventually do, there is really only one acceptable way for Chara to leave the police station, and I think we all know what it is….

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Who Do I Want? NHL Offseason

If this dude doesn’t do it for you from what you’ve seen in the NHL, here he is ruining Roberto LeBrongo. Who can’t get behind that?

There are probably Bruins who are only just now going to sleep for the first time since winning Lord Stanley’s hardware. This hasn’t stopped me from crunching numbers and looking for the piece that makes the next cup possible.

No telling which way B’s management is looking, but I figure the departures of Kaberle, Ryder and Recchi are fairly certain. I see Caron and Kampfer as the immediate replacements, and if you slot them in, the team would have just over $5 million in cap room.

That leaves an interesting amount of wiggle room for the Bruins front office. They would absolutely have to move some money to make a play at the top UFA’s, such as Brad Richards.

But the $5 million or so that the team will have to work with come July is enough to make lesser moves without losing anyone currently carrying the cup around the North End and getting smashed.

One wonders if the team will be willing to try to snipe RFA’s at the peril of its draft picks. The Bruins don’t have a history of making a play for significant RFA’s, but perhaps the relief of having a championship eases their worries about making such mistakes.

Does Zach Parise become a serious possibility? The Devils have 6 RFA’s and 3 UFA’s, Parise being one of the former. If Parise left Jersey for a million dollar raise this year via restricted free agency, it would cost his new team a first and a third round pick.

Not sure if Jersey could mismanage itself badly enough to lose Parise, or if Boston would part with the picks, but a guy can dream…

And outside of that, I’m not sure who I want this offseason. Meditate on this, I will.